It is well with my soul... But it isn't easy

This post has nothing to do with Kenya or what I've learned here. But this is my blog, and I wanted to express this.

This post is about one of the best men I have ever had the pleasure of spending time with – Mr. Jeff Looman. He was my band director for 6 years, the only teacher I had for 12 straight semesters. He was a man I loved, respected, and have many fond memories of. In fact, some of the best memories included what happened in band class or music-related events. Further, he was a role model for what it means to be a good teacher and a Godly man. These are some of the things Mr. Looman was from my perspective:

• Music lover whom shared his passion with all those who played for him. I truly felt connected to the pieces I was playing, whether they were slow and mournful or upbeat and cheerful or so chaotic adrenaline was pumping through my body with every note. He truly loved music and was so enthusiastic we couldn't help but love it too.
• Someone who challenged me. I was so-so at clarinet, and he asked me to try bassoon. He pushed me to take lessons, learn it, and play for band less than a year later. By sophomore year I was in the symphonic band, the higher of the two bands in school. Further, he pushed us as a band constantly. We were often playing pieces that were levels above what our size school was expected to play. At festivals and concerts he expected the best of us, and we knew this, though he never applied so much pressure we were unhappy about it. But he didn't let us get away with slacking; the weeks before concerts were rehearsals of running the same measures over and over, with him being nit-picky about details to make sure we were performing it the best we could. He set the bar high, and because of this our band was top-notch at all we did.
• Wolverine fanatic. He would go up and down the halls before the rivalry between State and U of M blasting the fight song on his trombone. He also wore a maize and blue Santa hat at Christmas concerts. And I know he was so proud that his youngest is in the band at Michigan this year; I saw it all over his bulletin board last time I visited.
• Someone who connected with his students and knew how to have fun with us. He would joke around with us, laugh with us over funny antics, give us room to act silly during rehearsals or concerts while maintaining control, and generally was a wonderful teacher to start the day with. He also would bring the music to life in a way we could relate to it, connecting it to our lives or modern thoughts and issues. Moreover, he was interested in his students in and out of the classroom. I can remember discussing the college search with him, and some of the things he said encouraged me toward choosing Trinity. Also, he supported me on an individual basis. When I took part in Knollcrest Music Camp during the summer, there were at least one or two performance nights he came to watch me. Later he was one of the few teachers I invited to my open house and wrote me a personal and very supportive card wishing me luck in all I did. Band was one of my favorite classes in high school, and a large part of that was because of Mr. Looman and his style that was fun and accepting of his students.
• A man whom I deeply respected. During performances, the reasons I was nervous and wanted to be perfect were I wanted to get top marks for him, to perform well, to make him proud. When I would mess up, I felt disappointed in myself for letting him down, even though he didn't indicate he was mad at me. I can remember apologizing for an early entrance, and he smiled at me and told me it wasn't a big deal, I didn't do it often, and he knew I would remember it next concert. Another memory was one morning he was crestfallen over people dropping band to do other activities. I felt upset too, loving this class and this teacher so much that I didn't understand why people would ever let him down.
• A teacher who showed his love for his students in all he did. He asked about our lives, though never pushed us to share what we didn't want to. Not only did he care about his students lives in and out of the classroom, he encouraged us often. If we were struggling with a piece, he would help us break it down little by little, never getting impatient, but working alongside of us and encouraging us along the way. He was proud of us, even on the festivals we got scores of 2. He would applaud us for what went well and help us build on the critiques for the next concert. Furthermore, after every final cut-off for every song during performances, he would drop his hands and grin at us, nodding approval, even if the piece didn't go perfectly. Also, every semester included several mornings of donuts from Marge's, or a pizza party, or pancakes, and the final week the seniors were in school he would take every senior band member out to breakfast at Arnie's. He cared about every member, and I could see that in his actions every one of the 6 years I was blessed to have him as a teacher.

It would take me a long time to recall every moment I have that includes Mr. Looman. There were band festivals where we eagerly crowded around him until he announced our scores (usually 1's, the highest score) and then we would celebrate. There was the state festival when he brought us middle schoolers up north to Great Wolf Lodge for the weekend. There was band tour junior year, running around New York City, playing in a beautiful sanctuary and blowing the judges away, and especially every piece we played at that festival that we repeated at several other performances (I could never forget “Rush”). There were chamber music concerts, and my group of 5 that played for 2 straight years (and the funny moments with that group). There was 6 band nights, where at every concert for those 6 years trumpets and trombones would set aside their music and line the stage to belt “Sounds of Sousa.” There was graduation performances and the phrases and visuals that accompany those 3 years (“repeat to H,” Mr. Looman's stick distinctively pounding out the down beats to slow us down, and playing in my cap and gown, the final performance with my beloved “Looney”). There was collage concerts, playing “Wicked” selections, the music of Chicago, and the air percussion piece “Rockin' Ricky Rocket.” At Christmas time, there was “Sleigh Ride,” a symphonic orchestra playing pieces from the Nutcracker, and the tinsel and Santa hats we decorated ourselves and our instruments with. There was pep band nights with the national anthem I still hear in my head no matter what sporting event I attend, the CCHS fight song, and where we froze in the bleachers or could hardly hear ourselves play next to the screaming students.There were so many concerts in between, so many pieces, so many unforgettable moments. There were rehearsals 5 days a week where we laughed, pushed ourselves, and got lost in the music; classes that made 50 minutes fly by. CCHS will never be the same now that he is gone. I grieve for those band members who didn't get to finish out their high school careers and have him direct their final performances, especially this year's seniors who have had him since elementary school. I can't even fathom how collage or graduation will go this year. It's hard to picture CCHS without him and my next visit will seem very strange indeed.

In my final paper of high school, Mr. Looman was included in the people who had an impact on my life, and the fact that 3 years later I still have so many fond memories and still seek him out when I visit CCHS shows just how deep that impact was. I wish to emulate him in my own teaching, despite not being the music discipline. I want to be able to have fun with my students and have them still hold a lot of respect for me. I want to be so passionate about my subject that this passion catches on, and I want to bring the texts alive for my students just as he made the pieces come alive for us. I want to show the care for my students he showed. I want to connect with them individually and make them feel accepted. I hope someday to have students look back at their time in high school, and say that I was one of those people they looked up to and whom impacted their life. Mr. Looman was an amazing teacher, director, and Christian man. He encouraged us to make music for God's glory, not for our own, and I could tell his teaching was a God-given talent and he did it for Christ, not for the pay or recognition for himself.

The truth is Mr. Looman wasn't just my band director, but a role model and someone I could never forget. I pray for his family, for the students, for the staff, for alumni, and for anyone who felt close to him. I know he's having a blast playing the instruments that are all a part of his repertoire in God's presence right now, and I know Christ must be beaming at the joyful noise of this new heavenly band member.