For the Love of my Calling

Today it hit me I get paid to do this.

My paycheck came weeks ago, but it was today I realized I'm doing this for money; not for grades or for practice, but this is my real-life, serious career. I'm doing something that feels nearly as natural as breathing every day, and it's my job.

This is why they call it a calling.

I'm nearly finished with the third week of school. In some ways, it doesn't seem like it. Each period goes by in hardly any time at all. Before I know it, we're at lunch, then the end of the day, and I'm thinking whoa, 8 hours are over already? Then all of a sudden it's nearly or past 5:00 and I realize I should go home for dinner. The next day goes just as quickly. I can hardly believe we're nearly at October, creeping closer to speech festival, convention, and the end of first quarter.

Yet, in other ways, it seems like I've been doing this for far more than three weeks. I know these kids. I can predict in first hour how the kids will probably be acting when I see them again in fifth hour and adjust in my head if needed. I'm understanding who needs what level of firmness and what kids have a hard time working with what other kids. And the kids have figured me out some too, I think. They know "eyes and ears on me" means they stop conversations and look at me. They know when I look at the clock, I'm counting minutes they're wasting and they quiet right away, afraid of staying in at break for wasting my time. Unconsciously, I believe I've gained "the look" that works on 90% of students because I can just look at someone who's talking too much and if they catch my eye they apologize and stop. They also know that when they're focused and not having their own side conversations, I will be able to actually have some fun and share my life or experiences with them and listen to theirs. They know I want to choose interesting things to read, some of them a little out-of-the-box. They know if they give me good attention during the week that I actually love watching videos that relate to our topic. So really, I feel like it's been far longer than three weeks because I feel so settled into what I'm doing.


I also have to brag about this staff. Seriously - the best. I have yet to feel like a total novice because they don't look down on me. I freely ask questions to anyone on staff and their answers come back as if they're just gently reminding me of something I knew - which I didn't, but they don't act like I should have - or they even blame themselves for not telling me. Even more than that, everyone is looking to me for advice and fresh ideas, and that makes me feel like they believe in me. Okay, not just feel like they do - know that they do.

Even though I could speak about any of my colleagues, I'll just pick out the four that have been the greatest support. One and two - my fellow middle school teachers, Laureen and Steve. They're the ones who get some of the daily questions because they're the ones who have a break at the same time as I do and never yet have I felt sheepish coming to them. They just explain it with a smile and clarity of ideas, and we move on in our day as a team.
Then there's Kathy, my principal. It feels a little strange thinking of her as my boss because she's so un-boss-like - in the greatest way. She's a lot of times in the trenches with us - partially because she's also helping teach 6th grade, and partially because she just wants to immerse herself in what the teachers are going through as well.  She isn't ashamed to tell me when she doesn't know something.She is like one of us in ways that few principals I've ever encountered, in any placement, have been.  She's not the authoritarian who sits in her office dealing mostly with the trouble students or the voice that controls all conversation at the staff meetings. She is a teacher, through and through, who also happens to be head of the school. Yet she's so knowledgeable and aware of all the teachers, all the students, and all the goings on of the whole school in ways the principal should be. She's like the perfect mix and I love that she's my boss because I feel so comfortable with her.
And finally, Joel. my mentor teacher (though he kind of resists the label sometimes because it feels too official) and someone who's quickly becoming my friend. I can't tell you how many times I've just gone to Joel with a small plea - "help!" - or  a "So, there's this problem..." or "I have an idea but I don't how it'll work." Sometimes I go just to talk, air out my thoughts on the day, and hear his advice or empathy. The amount of time I've been in that fourth grade classroom is second only to my own classroom. And never have I felt like Joel just wishes I would go away so he could work in peace (even though sometimes I probably should wrap up my conversation with him sooner so that he can get to work). Never have I felt like there's this divide between elementary and middle school teaching like I sometimes did in education classes, and that he can't relate to what I'm doing in sixth, seventh, or eighth grade. And once again, I haven't felt like a novice around him. He's one of the biggest supporters of my ideas. That's why I share so many with him - because I know he'll love it as much as I do, or maybe make me love it more, and then give key tips for implementation. He knows more about me and my thought processes and my frustrations than anyone at that school. Even though he has a family and there's a seven year gap, I honestly call him a friend.

I re-met the parent who was on the interview panel at the school's Open House/Parent Awareness Night tonight. He gave me a hard time for not remembering who he was, but it did start spinning wheels in my head back to that time I sat in Room Three, which is now where I give devotions every morning and seek Steve out if I need him, nervous, unsure of what God was planning, and not certain that I was doing well enough in the interview to land a job. Joel was there, on that panel. So was Kathy. And Laureen. Steve was going to be, but couldn't make it that day. Since that time, I've found out about other candidates who were vying for the position - thankfully for my conscience, they also have teaching jobs they love now. But the interview panel picked me. In less than a week, they knew I was the one. It was more than just the fact that I'm able to teach in most of the capacities that needed to be filled - English, social studies, and Bible (side note: when I picked up a history minor, it was with intention to have it as something that I could pull out for extra qualifications... who knew how that would play into the exact position I'd interview for, as I picked up what Reid left). It was more than my education, my level of experience, my grade point average. I'm sure all those things helped - I mean, you have to hire a teacher who you're confident knows how to teach well. But mostly it was God.

The days - months - of applications that returned no results, the worried heart as graduation approached, seem like a haze now, but I was struck with the memory that it was until literally two days before graduation that I was concerned and clueless. That phone call the week after I interviewed shocked me - they were interested in me, I was near the top of the list. Then, a short time later, they confirmed that they wanted me. Me! God knew before I even got the email to set up an interview I'd be sitting in an apartment a block away from the school that has become a place I love. He knew I'd be in Sheboygan, which is an ideal city for me - small, but not cut off from malls and a downtown, and by the lake. When I told my family that I thought the interview went well but I thought the interview before mine sounded like it went better from snippets of laughter I heard, and I thought it could go either way for me, God probably laughed to himself, knowing the phone call I'd get the next week. Knowing that I'd start my career right out of college in a place that is better than I could have picked for myself.

I won't say these students are perfect - trust me, there are daily struggles with these squirrelly middle schoolers. Neither is the staff. But it's where I need to be. It's where I love to be. That's more than enough now.