For those of you who are grammar and punctuation geeks like me, you probably have had a reaction similar to the one Lynne Truss describes in the quote above, though only now see it in line with the stages of grief. And you laughed. Especially at that last line.
I was assigned to read the book Eats, Shoots, & Leaves by Truss for my teaching English course. It was probably the most I've ever laughed while reading a textbook. So I'm going to be a dork for this post and share with you some of my favorite quotes and examples from the book.
Back cover joke:
A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.
“Why?” asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
“I'm a panda,” he says at the door. “Look it up.”
The waiter turns to the relevant entry, and, sure enough, finds an explanation.
“Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.”
About us grammar sticklers:
- “While we look in horror at a badly punctuated sign, the
world carries on around us, blind to our plight. We are like the
little boy in The Sixth Sense who
can see dead people, except that we see dead punctuation.”
- “Stand outside a... cinema
indicating – with a cut-out apostrophe on a stick – how the
title Two Weeks Notice might
be easily grammatically corrected (I did this), and not a soul will
take your side or indeed have a clue what your problem is. ”
Comments about a student who said he punctuated his texts correctly because he has an A level in English: “Evidently an A level in English is a sacred trust, like something out of Lord of the Rings. You must go forth with your A level and protect the English language with your bow of elfin gold.”
Poor punctuation: “Now, there are no laws against imprisoning apostrophes and making them look daft. Cruelty to punctuation is quite unlegislated: you can get away with pulling the legs off semicolons; shrivelling question marks on the garden path under a powerful magnifying glass you name it.”
Some examples:
- “Next week: nouns and
apostrophe's! (BBC website advertising a grammar course for
children)”
- “Frog's piss (French wine
putting unfair strain on a single frog)”
- “Member's May Ball (but
with whom will the member dance?)”
- “New members welcome drink
(doubtless true)”
- “Childrens' education...
(in a letter from the head of education at the National Union of
Teachers)”
- “The driver managed to
escape from the vehicle before it sank and swam to the river-bank”
The importance of punctuation even has relevance to theology. Since the original text of the Bible wasn't punctuated, there can be interpretations by translators that have different meanings:
“Verily, I say unto thee, This day thou shalt be with me in Paradise.” versus “Verily I say unto thee this day, Thou shalt be with me in Paradise.” (the second leaves room for the option of purgatory)
“Comfort ye my people.” versus “Comfort ye, my people.”(there's a difference in whom is being comforted)
“The voice of him that crieth in the wilderness: Prepare ye the way of the Lord.” versus “The voice of him that crieth: In the wilderness prepare ye the way of the Lord.”
“Law of Conservation of Apostrophes... states that a balance exists in nature: 'For every apostrophe omitted from an it's, there is an extra one put into an its.'”
“Between the 16th century and the present day, [the comma] became a kind of scary grammatical sheepdog... the comma has so many job as a 'separator'... that it tears about on the hillside of language, endlessly organizing words into sensible groups to make them stay put... Commas, if you don't whistle at them to calm down, are unstoppably enthusiastic at this job.”
“The big final rule for the comma is one that you won't find in any books by grammarians. It is quite easy to remember, however. The rule is: don't use commas like a stupid person.”
“Semicolons are dangerously habit-forming. Many writers hooked on semicolons become an embarrassment to their families and friends... the writers rock back and forth in their office chairs, softly tapping the semicolon key and emitting low whimpers.”
I didn't make it all the way through the book yet (sorry Dr. BC) but I hope to. I hope some of you also enjoyed a laugh over some of these. Others probably just have more reasons to roll their eyes at me. Oh well. I, Rebecca Reed, claim openly that I am a lover of punctuation, and the humor it can bring.
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| It even has a punctuation repair kit! These are stickers I can stick to incorrect signs. |




